Deliberate: Stuck Together
Yesterday in Turquoise Door during lunch Churmey was in her own world, just staring at the wall. I asked what she was doing and she told me she was looking at a picture on the wall. It was a picture from a field trip two months ago. This is how our converstation went:
Me: What is this a picture of?
Churmey: The time we went to Gorilla Park and Diargo and I were stuck together.
Me: What do you mean stuck together?
Churmey: It means we love each other!!
In the picture, Diargo and Churmey are sitting side by side with huge smiles on their faces. There is another picture of them on the bus to the same park where they are sitting by each other with those same smiles.
It’s obvious- Diargo and Churmey are “stuck together.”
What I’m pretty sure Churmey was getting at was that when you really like or love someone, you are always around them. You want to be near them, hear how their day went, comment on what they are eating or how crooked their smile is. Whatever. No matter what you are doing it is obvious: being around someone shows the world that you enjoy the person. That you WANT to be near that person. It’s that simple.
I actually talked about this with Liz yesterday morning as we ate breakfast. She and I both have the nagging desire to step back from our friendships at times, just to see what will happen. Will this person miss me? Will they notice I am gone? It is scary because then you start thinking to yourself: well what if they don’t follow?
But the reality of the situation is if a person doesn’t want to be around you, doesn’t draw near to you, isn’t “stuck” to you, ….they probably don’t like you that much.
As hard of a pill as that is to swallow, it’s true. It’s not a 100%, tried-and-true plan (as I’ve actually found out myself), but it’s a great rule of thumb.
We accept this rule for THINGS in our lives. If you like a food, you eat it a few times a week. If you like a TV show, you watch it when it comes on. If you like running, you will run. If you have a favorite color, you will wear it. You don’t just THINK about liking purple, you WEAR purple. For some reason it is harder to accept this rule when it comes to PEOPLE. We make excuses for our friends because WE like them.
"Well maybe he was busy today."
"I think she has commitment issues."
blah blah blah
But at the end of the day, if your friends are not giving you a certain amount of attention back, we need to ask ourselves WHY we are so attached to a friend who isn’t all that invested in the relationship.
All I have to say is that we shouldn’t be AFRAID to step back for a time from constantly being around people. I’m not saying we need to constantly be testing our friends, but we should not be afraid to step back either. True friendships, relationships, sister/brotherhoods are built on mutual sacrifice, love, commitment, attention, affection, etc. And I think it’s time that more of us were honest with ourselves about how strong our relationships are with others.